saying goodbye
my lolo mocring died on a thursday afternoon, august 17.
i was not with him–actually i haven’t been with him in a while, which made it harder for me. i didn’t get to say goodbye, to ask for forgiveness, or at the very least say thank you.
i cried, and i remembered.
he was always about the family. if he’s not out there in his Stetson hat and a journal in his hand finding somebody, anybody who has even the tiniest linkage to the clan, he’d be sitting by his study, his head burried on his columnar notebooks–patiently yet heartily keeping family ties, from the very root, to the most recent offspring.
his patience and humility took him places and made him accomplish so many things. who else would have the "energy" to play one-on-one mahjong just to please our 97-year old lola sally? or took time learning the computer and yes, use the cellphone just to keep in touch with the rest of the family? only Lolo Mocring can do that.
his journals, his family trees, his white sando and khaki shorts, his "pangkamot", his red toyota corolla, his loud sneeze, his violin, the "barber" in him (i proudly donned a shorter than short bangs for like a month when i was in gradeschool);
his love for his Ding, for Thenes, for Obet, Nilda and Germie; his pride and joy in Aby, Shari, Tine Tine, Bingle, Jamine, Lovely and Ahgem; his "fulfillment" in getting to play with Obi and Miggy… that’s my Lolo Mocring.
i cried because i didn’t get to say goodbye, i cried even harder because i didn’t really know how to. all i can say is thank you for the memories, the love, the family.
go towards the light Lolo, we’ll be okay. we love you and we’ll miss you.
———-
saying goodbye
is it with a smile?
or a quiet sigh of thanks?
you are bound for an eternity of greatness, afterall
free of pain, a lifetime of Godliness, forever at peace.
should my eyes be brimmed with tears?
a mirror of a great loss–of regrets, of guilt?
of things left unsaid, of apologies unforgiven, of promises unkept?
is it a celebration of a life so full, so loved?
humble and humane and always a family man
unaware of his own pains and regrets
inexpressive of his fears, if only to keep you happy.
to say goodbye, i don’t know how
not with all your memories
and with all your love kept alive
in our minds, in our souls, in our hearts
in all of us… in all of me.
to Lolo Mocring, I LOVE YOU
from tinetine 082406
